Lyrics
Intro spoken, thick Texas drawl, lone fiddle
Howdy. Or, as they say in Paris... bone-jour.
I took one semester of French at Amarillo Community College.
Chapter One. B-minus.
This is Worst Song Ever, Number Twenty-Nine.
Verse 1
Well, I signed up for French in a trailer out back of the gym
Madame had a tape deck, a scarf, and a poster of Paris to pin
She taught me my numbers, my colors, the word for a cat
So I sold all my cattle and flew off to Paris like that
Pre-Chorus
Now I'm standin' on the Champs-Élysées
Everybody's talkin' way too fast for me
But I got a textbook and a heart full of pride
And one little sentence that I memorized
Chorus
Où est la bibliothèque?
Where's the library, darlin', where's the library at?
Où est la bibliothèque?
I don't even like readin', but I'm real good at that
Yeehaw, s'il vous plaît!
Verse 2
A waiter said somethin' real fast, so I asked for the library, too
He brought me a plate full of snails and a bill for a hundred and two
A pretty girl asked me to dance, so I told her, "Mon crayon est bleu"
Now I'm married, I think, and I got me a mother-in-law in Toulouse
Pre-Chorus
Now I'm standin' on the Champs-Élysées
Everybody's talkin' way too fast for me
But I got a textbook and a heart full of pride
And one little sentence that I memorized
Chorus
Où est la bibliothèque?
Where's the library, darlin', where's the library at?
Où est la bibliothèque?
I don't even like readin', but I'm real good at that
Yeehaw, s'il vous plaît!
Verse 3 double time, auctioneer patter
Then a man with a microphone asked me a question, I told him, "Oui"
And a crowd started chantin', and somebody handed a flag to me
I said "Oui" to a treaty, a tank, a parade, and a key
Now I'm President of France and I still can't find the library
Bridge spoken presidential address, music drops, swelling strings
Mes amis. My friends.
Le chat... est sous la table.
Mon crayon... est bleu.
J'ai deux frères. Et je suis de Texas.
And I ask you tonight, as one nation...
Où est la bibliothèque?
Final Chorus key change up, full choir
Où est la bibliothèque?
Where's the library, darlin', where's the library at?
Où est la bibliothèque?
I don't even like readin', but I'm real good at that
Où est la bibliothèque?
I'm the President of France and I still don't know where it's at!
Silence
Spoken tiny child's voice
C'est à droite.
Shouted, full band
Yeehaw, s'il vous plaît!