Lyrics
Intro spoken over synth pad and a distant stadium crowd
Room four-oh-two. Three a.m.
She's got the contractions.
I've got the clipboard.
This is Worst Song Ever, Number Twenty-Five.
Verse 1
I bought a whistle and a headband and some shorts from eighty-five
I watched Lamaze on VHS till the tape was barely alive
I packed a duffel full of Gatorade, a playbook for the fight
She said, "Honey, it's a baby," I said, "Baby, it's game night"
Pre-Chorus
Eyes on the monitor, hands on the rail
Push through the pain, 'cause champions never fail
Chorus
Hee hee hoo! (Hee hee hoo!)
Breathe like a warrior, breathe it through
Hee hee hoo! (Hee hee hoo!)
You do the pushing, I'm coaching you
Give me one more rep, give me one more try
Leave it all on the field, don't hold it inside
Hee hee hoo! (Hee hee hoo!)
Nobody's working as hard as I do
Verse 2
Hour eleven, I was running drills and feeding her chips of ice
I called a timeout for a sandwich, and she said a word not nice
I drew a zone defense in marker on the whiteboard by the door
The nurse said, "Sir, that's the patient chart," I said, "Ma'am, that's the score"
Pre-Chorus
Then the doctor walked in and the stirrups went high
And the room started spinning and the lights said goodbye
Verse 3 half time, heavy
I woke up on the linoleum with a juice box in my hand
Three nurses fanning at my forehead like a fading hair-metal band
They wheeled me in a bed beside her and they checked my pulse and pride
And my wife, at nine centimeters, looked over: "Are you alright?"
Bridge band drops out, heart monitor beeping
Spoken calm female voice
Coach. Coach, can you hear me?
It's me. Your wife.
Breathe with me.
Hee... hee... hoo.
Spoken weak male voice
hee... hee... hoo...
Breakdown drums build, stadium chant
Push! Push! Push! Push!
Baby cry
Final Chorus key change, full stadium
Hee hee hoo! (Hee hee hoo!)
Eight pounds eleven of brand-new you
Hee hee hoo! (Hee hee hoo!)
She did the pushing, I did the... ooh
Raise up the trophy, hold her up high
The MVP's smiling, the coach's gonna cry
Hee hee hoo! (Hee hee hoo!)
Nobody's worked as hard as you
Outro spoken
"Congratulations, Coach. It's a girl."
"...Wait."
"There's another one."